It Creeps in Like Darkness...

The story “It Creeps in like Darkness” was created after reading the stimulus text of Ken Kesey’s “One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest”, which is also written from the eyes of a mental patient who suffers from hallucinations.  

It Creeps in Like Darkness…

Darkness.

They say if you look at the light you can no longer see the darkness, but the thing they forget to mention is, once the darkness finds you, it clings to you like the shadow from the setting sun. I had heard it once before but I had never truly known what it meant until that day.

I had started shivering before I heard small taps from the rain against the window, and turned to watch it snake down to rest at the windowsill. It had such a humble request; asking me to turn and quickly admire the small rainbow reaching out, before being destroyed forever by the looming rainclouds. I clung tightly to the blanket wrapped around my shoulders, its gentle caress blocking out the world around me and keeping my own thunderstorm from breaking free. It wasn't long before the fire began to die out, forcing me to throw some more firewood into the fireplace but I quickly sat in front of it again; warming myself from the cold and dark that had embedded itself into every crevasse of my home and now was battling its way to my core. I could see them. I watched them erupt from the shadows; their white pupil-less eyes staring intently at me from the safety of the shadows. Occasionally one would reach out their long-fingered hands to grab me; hoping to pull me forever into the darkness but as long as the fire was lit, its flickering light would push them away again.

Suddenly the fire erupted. In my hast to rekindle the flames, I had put too much firewood in and now it was too bright, too hot! The shadow demons scattered; screaming as they ran. It was relentless. That scream, those eyes.

"No", I whispered, "no, no. Please stop it, stop it! Stop it! I don't want to remember! I can't remember it! Please!" I screamed shakily into the darkness, cowering at the memory clawing its way back into my mind. The storm outside had begun to copy the frenzying fireplace; raining for all its worth causing the glass in the window to shake. The fire was still raging but the demons noticed my suffering and stopped running to relish in it. They screamed again and again, watching with those pupil-less eyes and that wicked grin, "No…please" That scream was my scream. Those eyes were his eyes. I could feel my sanity slipping away, I could feel myself cracking.

“He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming to kill you. He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s gonna rip you apart.” They chanted surrounding me, like children dancing to ring-a-roses. “No. No, please!” I whimpered as memories flicked through my mind tauntingly. Rain in my eyes, a flash of silver, blood swelling, pain peeking, fear taking over and hate burning at my mind. Their laughter; like his, their eyes; like his, their nails; like his, clawing at my skin causing droplets of blood to erupt from my arms and throat. Their claws dug deeper; allowing scarlet streams to flood out uncontrollably, feeling like silver talons on my skin. “He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming to silence you. He’s coming, he’s coming, he’s coming to disembowel you!”

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

The sun rose refreshingly over the old house; still dripping from the storm the night before. Warming its bricks and tiles; gradually creeping into the rooms in a flood of gold. The gold hit scarlet in a beautiful contrast of colours, that danced around a frail young creature; mangled and broken on the floor. As the light grew brighter, and the scarlet grew blacker, it revealed her body to be peppered with deep gaping cuts. However only if you looked closely you could see the words that she slashed into her own arm, “It was real, even if it didn’t happen.”

 

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 06

Day 06- A hobby you have.

Okay, I'm not gonna lie, I am shamelessly addicted to all things manga related. For those who don't know, manga is basically a graphic novel which is drawn in a animation style which is unique to Japan.

Probably the most well known anime (in England at least) is 'Pokémon' which started as a manga and was adapted into the animated (A.K.A. anime) TV series.

I watch anime and read manga pretty much every week and I even write some fanfiction for my favourite ones.
I am an absolute freak when it comes to this. According to my profile on anime-planet I have wasted 2 weeks, 5 days, 19 hours, 59 minutes on watching 101 different types of anime, and thats not counting the 46 different manga series I've read, one of which has this week hit it's 537th chapter.

Yeah I can tell what you're thinking ^__^ this one seriously needs to be locked away somewhere, but trust me I'm still kind of a novice compared to some others like (http://www.anime-planet.com/users/wolfangel87)
I can't really pin-point what makes me like anime/manga so much, but I guess it's because the ideas are so unique and creative. And in an industry that's running out of truly new ideas we need a bit of Japanese inspiration.

Day 6 – 終了

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 05

Day 05- A few picture of somewhere you’ve been to.

Well I guess the last place I went to was Essaouira, Morocco.

Well lets just put it like this, 2 weeks in a country full of people who speak french when we don't, plus in a town in the middle of nowhere...equals interesting times :)

And me looking like a right cool kid

Yousef teaching me how to put on a turban.

Camal riding!!! Epic times!!!

The flood of colour from the tapestries is wonderful isn't it? ^__^

The market place in town.

 

This little Chameleon got more and more camera shy the longer we stayed. Aw bless.

A dog walking a dog. Can you see the lead attaching them both together?

Day 05 - انتهى

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 04

Day 04- List 15 songs that represent your life’s soundtrack.

(Artwork by divino07)

1. Up - Shania Twain

2. Iris - Goo Goo Dolls

3. Be My Escape - Relient K
4. Don't Want to Be Like Cinderella The - The Cheetah Girls
5. Underclass Hero - Sum 41
6. The Anthem  - Good Charlotte 
7. Bad Reputation - Joan Jett
8. My World - Avril Lavigne
9. Unwritten - Natasha Bedingfield

10. Freak Out - Avril Lavigne

11. Weight Of The World - Chantal Kreviazuk

12. Defying Gravity - Glee Cast
13. Extraordinary - Liz Plair

14. Walking On Sunshine - Aly & A.J.

15. Perfect Day - Hoku

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 03

Day 03- A habit that you wish you didn’t have.

Procrastination. 

My complete inability to put things of high importance on my priorities list, often gets me in a LOT of trouble. I actually feel bad for my teachers who have to deal with my apparent disregard of their deadlines. I honestly want to get every piece done the day i get it, so i can be free of it and not have to worry about it all the time, but i guess life just gets in the way. If it's not one thing, its another. Throwing the red card up at family members when they cross the line, comforting sensitive friends who (for some reason i STILL can't entirely wrap my head around) don't realise how fantastic they are, chores (that aren't usually my problem) but that have to be thrust upon me the one evening i get seriously pumped up to do some hardcore studying. 

I once got asked why i'm always like this and i honestly had no idea what to say. How do you explain to others (without reavealing your whole family history) why family and friends, that seem like they should take second place in my life behind my work and securing my future, always have to come first. But i can't help it, you can call it laziness if you want to, but i can't help that overwhelming feeling to keep my loved ones as close to me as possible. 

I should be getting used to this by now with both my siblings having left to go to uni, but somehow it's worse when it's your friends. My dearest friends, most of which i've known for years are leaving to live miles and miles away to carry on with their lives, meeting new and interesting people along the way. As much as i want to know how their lives turn out, a small part of me wonders if I'll ever meet up with these people again once they leave in a few months. Sadly, it's because of my nasty habit of procrastination that i'm being left behind in the first place. Well i guess only time will tell.

Day 3 – Bitmiş

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 02

Day 02- A picture of something you cannot live without.

There are plenty of things I feel I can’t live without, for example without my iPod, I’d never get up in the morning, without the internet I’d feel very isolated and without my manga and anime I’d feel incredibly bored. Then, without family and friends I’d have no one to rely on. But if I had to choose just one thing, I’m afraid this little fur-ball wins hands down.

We got her- or rather she found us back when I was still in primary school. We just happened to be having a barbeque sometime in the summer and this little munchkin literally appeared out of nowhere; creeping gingerly out from the bushes. At first glance, one might thing she was just one of the neighbour’s cats wandering further than usual in the hope of extra human food rather than the low quality canned food she usually gets. But on proper inspection, it was obvious she was a stray and that she wasn’t all that skilled at hunting becauseyou could see that her bone structure was clearly visible through her fur. While we were packing up she occupied herself with catching and eating the various larger bugs crawling about on the ground. 

Once everyone else had gone inside, I just sat on my brother’s skateboard, plate of leftover chicken and beef in hand and waited. After a couple of hours of gently tossing bits of meat at her feet I gradually managed to close the gap between her and myself. 

Eventually I had earned her trust enough to stroke her.

For the next couple of days we left a bowl of milk outside for her, which was enough to make her stick around. Did you know that not all the Jews from concentration camps died in the gas chambers and from over-work and malnutrition? Some of the ‘survivors’ died afterwards because of overfeeding. Their staved bodies couldn’t handle the high quality food the Americans were giving them and their bodies, not being used to it anymore, shut down from the foods it could no longer process. 

Anyway we had no idea if the same thing would happen to this starving kitty but we weren’t going to take the risk. After we took her to the vets for a general check-up we found that she was actually in better condition than we originally thought; apart from her obvious malnutrition she was perfectly healthy. We checked to see if she had a chip with the information of her previous owner, she didn’t, so we had our own put in. And lastly we found that she was a girl of about 2 years old; we had previously thought that maybe she was the neighbour’s cat Timmy. Home again, my brother came up with the name of Shimmer, since her black fur literally shimmers in the sun.

These days she’s settled in nicely. She insists on having nothing of lower quality than Whiskas cat pouches, her now spoilt attitude ensures that she only eats food after its just come out of the packet; if it hasn’t, then she will sit in front of her food bowl meowing before giving the nearest person the look of ‘if you think I’m eating this OLD food, then you have another thing coming, you silly human’. Once she found that my pillow is the best place to sleep, she has no qualms in laying on it in such a way that she pushes my head off my own pillow. She also claims that her washes are most effective, so even if we’ve just showered she WILL wash her ‘kittens’ (ie. us). She has her annoying habits but I’m just glad she’s happy these days, because I can honestly say that these days, home wouldn’t be home without her there too.

[How easy is it to tell i got REALLY bored with the shade black in this blog ;)]

Day 2 – Finita

30 Day Blog Challenge: Day 01

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Okay I’m totally behind everyone else who’s doing this 30 day blog challenge, but I only just found out about it so I’ve decided to do it in May instead (I may do an extra blog since it’s a 31 day month but we’ll see.)

Anyhow, today’s prompt for the blog: A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

1. I have a scar on my right arm from about 10 years ago when I was trying to stoke a horse but scraped my arm along the barbed wire accidently instead.
2. I love writing romantic stories about ‘true love’ despite not believing in the idea.
3. I think it would be an interesting development if I turn out to actually be considered clinically insane at some point in the future.
4. I have definite trust issues.
5. I want to officially change my name to Rachael Louisa Alice Bowden.
6. I have given up almost all hope on men.
7. I believe Karma is personally out to get me.
8. My memory is a sieve.
9. I try my best to substitute swear words for random and sometimes made-up words (ie. ‘fishcake’, ‘bumcheese’ and ‘monkeycheese’) in order to avoid offense and hopefully bring a smile instead.
10. I get my spontaneity from my family it seems, as we once drove to France just to have some lunch there.
11. Thanks to my brother, I once broke my wrist and it swelled up like crazy but my mum was like “It’s just a sprain, it’ll go down.” But eventually we went to the doctor’s, and like I thought, he said it was a break.
12. The one time I actually celebrated New Year’s properly, I didn’t even do it with my own family.
13. I will quite happily make a fool out of myself as long as I make people laugh whilst doing it.
14. I hate the idea of getting married and being a parent. So I plan on doing neither.
15. I want to: travel the world, become the author of at least three novels, become a fire-fighter, save someone’s life, buy an apartment in Australia, learn to speak Japanese, have my best friend become my roommate and become able to imitate Irish, Russian and Australian accents.

Yeah, I know I probably put a bit much in the last one, but to be honest I don’t care :P

Day 1 – Finished

The Power of Self Doubt & Inserting The Emotional Plug

Isn't it amazing how powerful people's beliefs and emotions are? Anyone who's read a particular piece of literature that's moved them or has heard the inspirational voices of people like Martin Luther King Jr. or Gandhi will know what I'm talking about.
But think for a moment about something that is much more common in everyday life: self doubt; even negativity in general. We all do it. Generally no one's harder on us than ourselves. Which I find is the most stupid natural thing in all human behaviour, because most people's potential can only be realised with kindness and encouragement, not by adding doubt into the mix.
I should add at this point that I am a complete hypocrite, and almost never listen to my own advice.
And to be honest my dear readers, this is the reason I’ve not written anything in a while. And more specifically, why I’ve not written anything worth reading in about a year.
Frankly, I can't recall the last time I got a negative comment on a piece I finished writing, and that’s because of two reasons:
1) When I write, I put in my all.
2) I don't open it up to criticism until I’m completely happy with it.
Unfortunately it’s because of these reasons that I’m absolutely appalling with deadlines and that I’ve got more in my drafts folder than blog posts actually published.
But recently I’ve had a constant writer's block. And I’m putting it down to the general clutter of shit in my life at the moment.
(Inserting the emotional plug)
But it's okay, because I’ve created my own personal light at the end of the tunnel. As these days I think I’ve slipped into post-despair. Is there even such a thing? I certainly have no idea from a medical stand point. My live has gradually slipped into a whirlpool of disappointment, depression and hatred.


See? There you go, a visual aid.

I've tried, I mean I suddenly feel like I’m 18 going on 40 and its even beginning to show on my face! So I mean it when I say I honestly have tried, but I’m just so tired.
I'm tired of playing peacemaker at Christmas and birthdays,
I’m tired of always having to come up with the solution because no one else can be bothered,
I’m tired of being the shoulder to cry on and pretending I can be the shield that can protect you from everything.
I'm tired of picking up the pieces after you've gone.
I'm tired of lying to keep everyone together.
And I’m tired of smiling and pretending everything’s going to be okay when I know it's not.

But I think there's just a switch that one of the little guys in my brain has finally flipped. That feeling of numbness, like when you've had too much alcohol; you're face feels tingly at a touch and you feel drowsy as if you haven't slept in two days. And I’ve gotta say, it's a wonderful feeling. If I didn't know better, I’d say I was drugged or something. I think I finally understand how people can become alcoholics and drug addicts. Because the thing is, reality feels so much like a dream right now that I just feel indifferent about everything. Sorry dear readers, I know I sound completely emo right now, oh wait the word is "scene" these days right? Well sorry for acting like a scene kid then. But I don't really care anymore. So, at the end of the day..."fuck it" or in the words of the fantastic Catherine Tate "Am I bovvered?"